Title: Goin' Places That I've Never Been, Seein' Things That I May Never See Again
Character(s): Danny, Marcus, & Sara
Marcus holds his hand out the window and tries to catch the wind. "You're drivin' too slow," he says. "Look, everyone's passin' us."
"I am going," Danny says, "the speed limit."
"My Grandma could go faster than this in her rocking chair."
"Unless your Grandma's rocking chair was rocket-powered, I find that story highly suspect."
"Shut up, you fags," Sara says from the backseat. "And turn up the AC."
Danny exhales slowly. "The AC is as high as it will go."
"Well, I'm sweating my balls off."
"For the last time, Sara: You don't have any balls."
"Because I sweat them off! Shit. I should be driving. I could drive with my thoughts."
"If the only thing between me and death at 60-miles-per-hour were your thoughts, I would kill myself."
"That doesn't make any motherfucking sense."
"She's right, Danny boy."
"Listen. I am the one driving. That means everyone has to do what I say. And I say... Radio. I am turning on the radio. And we are listening to it." He twists a knob at random.
The speakers erupt. "GIM-GIM-GIMME HERMAPHRODITE CITY!"
"I hate this song," Sara says the same time Marcus says, "I love this song."
"Ah, the usual then, only two-thirds of us are happy."
"Maybe if you two didn't suck so much cock, we'd have more in common."
Danny squints at her in the rearview mirror. "Are you trying to tell us you're a lesbian?"
"N-no! God crap it, that's not what I meant."
"I do declare," Marcus says. "We've caught ourselves a regular ole carpet muncher in the backseat."
"CARPET IS THE LAST THING I MUNCH."
"It's okay, Sara. I heard Minnie just broke up with Mickey." Danny shrugs. "She's probably looking for someone on the rebound."
"She is a mouse. You are retarded."
"Whoa," Marcus says, turning around in his seat. "Are you sayin' there's somethin' wrong with me and Danny being together?"
"You're not a fucking mouse."
"I'm a tiger."
"Only when you want..." She trails off. "I just got an extremely disturbing mental image. Tell me you two don't-"
Danny starts to fidget.
"YOU DO. FUCKING MARY ON A POPSICLE STICK. YOU DO."
"Twice," Marcus corrects.
"ARGH. MY VIRGIN BRAIN."
"NO. MORE. TALKING." Danny says. "Only radio. Listen to the soothing, calming, completely consensual, non-illegal, totally normal tunes on the radio."
"AND I," the radio croons, "WILL ALWAAAAAAAYS TOUCH BOOOOOOOOOOB."
Danny quickly shuts it off. "Okay. So silence?"
The lone and level highway stretches far away.