Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas!

A little drabble. 267 words.


Title: Every Day is Exactly the Same

Character(s): Red


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"I'm worried about Kallie. I think she needs to get laid."

Sheep barks. Wags her tail furiously.

Red squints. "Calm down, killer. I'm pretty sure she's not into that." He pats his pockets. "What did you do with the torch?"

Sheep cocks her head. Barks again. Then licks her chops.

"You four-pawed Judas." The bowl in his hand is warm and made of glass, and he fingers its smooth mouth absentmindedly. "You ate it."

He thinks. Forgets what he was thinking about. Thinks about something else.

"The joke's on you, if you think about it." Swallows hard, spit like talcum power. "You're a dog. You ate poop when you were young, you know. And now you eat butane. But look at these swanky thumbs I've got. I can pick shit up. Your shit mostly, Shits McGee. But also other things." He scratches his head with the back of his hand. "Thumbs up, I can do that. TWO thumbs up. And two toes that used to be thumbs if you factor in evolution. You can count 'em if you–oh, wait a fucking minute. YOU CAN'T–"

Sheep leaps onto the couch. Plows into Red and slathers his face with her tongue.

"Gerroff me!" He shoves her to the floor, and she lands with a dull thud. His shirt comes away moist and sticky after his wipes his face clean.

Sheep sniffs her butt.

"If you lick your poophole, I will fucking throw up on you."

She licks.

Red rises from the couch. "DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU."

Sheep yelps, scrambles for the bedroom.

"RAAAWR!" he growls.

5 comments:

  1. I also enjoy that blogspot tells me "Your comment was published." The "published" makes me feel accomplished. Instead of being a wino trolling my friend's blog of productivity, I'm a wino trolling my friend's blog of productivity whose comment was PUBLISHED.

    Pfft. And they said I'd never makes something of myself. I sure showed them.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Feel free to list your many publications on my blog on your résumé.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I already did.

    "Frequently published on Bookfart, a reputable publication and most definitely not my sexy friend's writing blog."

    ReplyDelete