Monday, October 26, 2009

I plotted, bitches!

Romance literature and LGBT literature are similiar. So similiar in fact, that I dislike them equally.

Romance just isn't enough of a plot. Person P meets Person V. They fall in love. Something stupid and completely avoidable happens. They break up. But no! They find each other because true love prevails. Ah, so happy. So satisfying. So... so nauseating.

Coming out isn't a plot either. Maybe it was but not anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah, acceptance, blah, blah, everyone has the same insides, whatever, I don't care, Care Bear Stare!

I don't care what your plot is. Write a western. Write about werewolves on Jupiter. Write an alternate history mystery where Benjamin Franklin travels back to the days of Egypt and Rome to save Cleopatra, only to find her dead from a laser blast to the heart.

If there's romance, it takes a backseat to the plot. Coming out? BACKSEAT. Or better yet, if your story takes place 20 minutes in the future, maybe homosexuality isn't such a big deal at all. Instead of a LGBT character, have a character who just happens to be LGBT. Those werewolves from Jupiter. They're lesbians. Does that make them more awesome? Yes. Should their hot and hairy she wolf-on-she wolf scissoring be part of the plot? No. Maybe. Well, not unless you're writing erotic fiction.


  1. Lesbian werewolves from jupiter helping ben Franklin get home so he can invent the bifocal? YAWN. seen it all before. :)

  2. What I haven't seen before are my capitalization methods in that comment. Sorry!

  3. Can you write an erotic thriller about werewolves from Egypt who travel back in time to sleep with Benjamin Franklin AND Cleopatra?

  4. Only if the werewolves are secretly from Jupiter.

  5. My worst reading experience ever was in a writing class where every student had to write three stories of 25-50 pages. For his first story, one author did 40 pages about a Gary Stu whose only two life experiences were 1) being gay and 2) being persecuted for being gay. The second story was even worse. It was another 40 pages of that, but with a female protagonist.

    When our workshop discussed those pieces, our comments were fairly humorous.

    REVIEWER 1: I feel like this was very similar to your last story. In particular, I noticed that the climax of both stories was trying to take a gay boyfriend or girlfriend to prom.

    REVIEWER 2: Maybe you should try mixing things up a bit more.

    AUTHOR: Nah, this is totally different. It’s a lesbian prom story.

    B. MAC: I swear on my life, if you try another 40 pages of this, my final story will be 50 pages about C. Mack, a political science student that gets the girls and saves the world by pondering about postmodern Hobbesian counterinflationary policy.

    (”Oh, C. Mack! Your data models are positively orgasmic!” “Yeah, babe. My hotness is statistically significant.”)